Understanding Your Window of Tolerance: A Somatic Approach to Nervous System Regulation
Let’s talk about the window of tolerance, a powerful concept for understanding how our nervous system responds to daily stress and triggering situations.
Although I first learned about the window of tolerance in graduate school, I didn’t fully feel it until I explored it through breathwork and somatic training, when I began to notice how these states show up in the body.
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
Our nervous system constantly moves through different states of activation depending on what we experience. You might think of it as a traffic light that guides your ability to stay grounded or respond to stress. Within your window of tolerance, you feel grounded, connected, and able to manage challenges with flexibility. When you’re pushed outside of your window, you might become anxious, shut down, or feel overwhelmed.
Our nervous system naturally shifts between three states:
Ventral vagal (Green Light): This is your “rest and digest” state, where you feel safe, connected, and present.
Sympathetic (Yellow Light): This is your “fight or flight” response, your heart rate rises, adrenaline kicks in, and your body prepares to face or escape a perceived threat. You may feel anxious, tense, or reactive.
Dorsal vagal (Red Light): This is the “freeze” response, where your system shuts down. You might feel numb, disconnected, or checked out.
These states are part of being human. The key is learning how to notice and regulate them so you can return to your green light.
Visualizing the Window of Tolerance
A mentor once shared a beautiful metaphor that helped me understand this deeply.
Imagine your life as a stream flowing through a lush forest. It’s clear, steady, and full of life. Around you are the supports that keep your flow steady: loved ones, routines, mindfulness practices, music, movement, laughter, or spiritual connection. This is your green light, the flow feels calm and nourishing.
Then, imagine a storm rolls in. The water quickens, leaves and debris swirl, and visibility drops. Maybe you just had an argument, got cut off in traffic, or received difficult news. You’re in yellow light, alert and activated.
At times, boulders might crash into the stream, blocking its flow completely. This could be the impact of trauma such as abuse, loss, oppression, or systemic violence. Your system freezes to survive. This is red light, a form of protection when the body says, “It’s too much.”
It’s important to remember: your nervous system is always trying to protect you. Fight, flight, and freeze responses are not weaknesses, they’re evidence of your body’s wisdom and resilience.
When the Nervous System Gets Stuck
Ideally, we move through these states and return to the green light, a sense of safety. However, early experiences such as emotional neglect, instability, or not feeling safe, can leave our nervous system stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. Over time, this can look like overreacting to minor stressors, feeling constantly on edge, or shutting down during conflict. Even in safe relationships, your body might interpret a raised voice or disagreement as danger.
Again, this is not your fault. These patterns were once your way of surviving. The goal now is to learn how to help your system feel safe enough to return to the green light, to feel more grounded.
Healing Through Somatic and Mindfulness Practices
This is where somatic therapy and mindfulness can be transformative. Through gentle, body-centered awareness, you can begin to notice the ways your nervous system communicates with you through tension, breath, posture, or subtle sensations. Mindfulness helps you observe without judgment; somatic skills help you release stored energy; and intentional breathing reconnects you to your body’s natural rhythm.
In my own healing journey, the combination of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and breathwork has been especially powerful. These practices create safe opportunities for the nervous system to revisit past activation while staying grounded in the present. This allows the body to complete old stress cycles and expand its window of tolerance. With time and practice, you can learn to notice your body’s signals, regulate more effectively, and reconnect with your authentic self. Feeling more at ease, empowered, and present in your life.
Moving Forward
If this resonates with you, know that healing doesn’t happen overnight, and you don’t have to do it alone. With the right support, your body and mind can learn that safety, connection, and pleasure are possible again.
If you’re curious about exploring EMDR, mindfulness, or breathwork, I invite you to reach out through my contact page for a free consultation. Together, we can explore tools to help you expand your window of tolerance and return to the flow of your life.
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💜 Breathe Deeply,
Melika Biglarpour-Watson, LMFT